Category Archives: Climbing

Bouldering is like Climbing Only Scarier

I’ve always been intimidated by bouldering. Bouldering is a Latin term that translates loosely to “you’ll probably fall and crush your stupid friends who try to catch your fat ass cause you were too lazy to rope up and not good enough to actually climb the damned rock.” Those Latins got it right.

Bouldering is rock climbing with no harnesses or ropes, mainly because the routes or “problems” as they are aptly named, are too short to necessitate all the hubbub. Way too short to bother with taking measures to save your life. Short enough that its totally cool to snap an ankle falling or ass-hat your husband.

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(Above) Ashley slays a V1 while Eric stands by

See, I KNEW I didn’t like bouldering ever since I went with Eric back when I was trying to act cool so he would date me. The climbing is hard, and you need to be comfortable falling or jumping a distance back to the ground if you get stuck.

This weekend I found myself mid-adrenaline dump clinging to a boulder at Coopers Rocks in West Virginia when I remembered that I hate bouldering. My tendons snapped and I hurtled 24 inches to the ground. I sank to a log and sat there practically crying as I tried to catch my breath.

Ashley yawned a little and Eric pointed out how low I actually was as I was trembling and sniffling on the boulder. I felt like a douche, stood up, and easily climbed the problem.

I had another little meltdown on the downclimb where I had to jump about three feet to the ground, but after that I had burned my entire adrenaline supply and was able to enjoy a chill afternoon trying to improve my climbing AND falling skills.

Bouldering is fun, turns out. And it’s perfect to do with a group of friends who like chatting and eating snacks! It’s perfect for babies! Crash pads make great baby beds when lardy 30-somethings aren’t dramatically flopping onto them. And babies don’t mind if there’s a decaying chipmunk with bees eating out its dead eyes right beside the boulder. They are so dumb, they don’t even know what chipmunks are!

20130908-191208.jpg(Above) Grady does not know what a chipmunk is.

If you decide to take your baby bouldering, it’s nice to have a place to stow them if they get sleepy. A nice portable bassinet like the Nest by Phil and Ted is perfect, especially if your friends Keith and Anna Wilkins buy it for you!

20130908-192652.jpg(Above) Grady lounges in his Nest.

The Nest is great because it is compact, has a soft cushion and a nice, zip-on screen so bees can’t swoop in and dine on your babies eyeballs. If you can’t dupe your friends into buying it for you, however, there are always other options.

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I haven’t been this sore since I gave birth, but I can’t wait to do some more bouldering. Facing a pure, simple obstacle like a rock to climb is an excellent escape from the stresses of life.

Especially if you have some dummies willing to catch your fat ass when you fall.

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Photo Promenade: {{Yes, it’s the Red River Gorge… Again}}

These are already over a week old.  But I had to share them with you because there are some real winners here…

Here are the attendees!

The Eric, The Jeannie, The Yuliya, The Ashley and The Ben

I love the next two photos because they show two climbers doing the same-ish stuff!  Only Eric’s legs are way too long…

The Yuliya

The Eric

And another photo-pair!  Some other climbers told us there was a puppy trapped in this hole…

The Myself

The Ashley

Of course, the best part of climbing is the napping.

Lizard

Mummy

Only one of these people are dead in this.

And we can’t forget Miguel’s Pizza after a long, hard day of napping!

Noms

Soon it’s time to retire to bed…

So precious.

But first, some schenanigans!

Go ahead and flag…

Token artsy emo shot…

Climbing is awesome.

Spandex, hard hats and sunshine.  The recipe for happiness!

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Red River Gorge Photo Hootinanny! {{April 28-29, 2012}}

We went back to the Red this last weekend with the same happy characters that you were just introduced to.  (Sans salamander…).

The climbing was wonderful, the company was bearable.  We met some adorbs Canadians, too!  Oh, and Adam decided to up the ante…

Adam is a Noob, but he is seriously tearin' it (his skin!) up! He really pours himself (HIMSELF!) into his climbing!

Ashley killin' it. FUN FACT: She mentioned this was her exact work outfit the previous Wednesday! YES!

That little speck way up there is Ashley! The other little speck is Yuliya.

Ben climbing with one hand tied behind his back.

Spot the climber! It's me (duh).

Apre climb. Yuliya and Eric.

Hello there, Adam!

If anyone knows a Petzl rep, please direct them to this shot of Eric looking wicked hot in his pro.

Ben leading Cheaper Than a Movie, a FIVE STAR crack. Probably my favorite climb of life to date.

Yuliya eclipse.

Thanks for the lead, Ben! I shamefully take advantage and enjoy all five of the stars.

Group photo. Eric appears to be actively urinating.

Though I can’t say I’m getting better at climbing, I most definitely enjoy it more!  The Chi-town Quadfecta always brings the best treats to the crag with them!  There are a few more terrifying pictures to come.  One, specifically, will kill off all 8 of you who are bored enough to visit this blog.  I expect to have it posted within a day or two.  In the meantime, enjoy this picture of my husband peeing himself.

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