Did you know you can ride your bike from Pittsburg to DC?

I wrote this three weeks ago and then forgot about it. Sorry, Mom. And sorry, Adam’s Mom!

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I’m not trying to brag but I have three bikes. I only had one bike until I entrapped Eric in marriage and he entrapped me in bikery.

We’ve been showing our fat-tires a lot of love so we thought we’d take the roadies out for a weekend. We don’t generally ride our road bikes in the fall/winter/cold because they have zero traction and ITS COLD AS HELL riding a fast bike. Especially considering how blazing fast I am despite my burgeoning sail area. Someone let me know if that’s the incorrect usage of burgeoning. I’m way to lazy to look it up.

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I let Eric talk me into pretty much anything cause he has a knack for finding fun stuff to do. Even though I know I was miserable during this particular event, my soft brain thinks I had fun. You try throwing your pregnant ass on a road bike for 70 miles.

Truthfully I’m still not that pregnant. I was at 14 weeks when we did this ride, and one still couldn’t really detect a baby amongst my fat rolls. But, my beloved spandex sporty wardrobe was no longer comfortable. It pinched my fat, especially when riding a bike. My solution was wearing any ol’ pants with Eric’s butt shorts over the top. Very chic. Good thing I’m not outside to take staged Instagram shots or model my latest Arcteryx jacket. Ok only half of that was true. And if I owned any Arcteryx I would definitely wear it all the time BEN BILLER.

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No, I’m outside to experience the Greater Allegheny Passage! This, combined with the C&O Canal will get you from Pburg to DC! That’s right, Petersburg, Alaska! (You guys will seriously believe anything…).

Though we did stop in Pittsburg to get a fuel can for our adorable new Jetboil, we didn’t hop on the bikes quite yet. We started in Connellsville and rode all the way to Ohiopyle along the mighty Youghiogheny River. This section of the river is edged by railroad on one side and old railroad (now our bike trail) on the other, with no roads sharing the valley. Someone could straight up kill you and no one would catch them. Good thing there were random ultra runners on the trail. Actually I didn’t like them or their long lusty gazes at our snacks.

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Despite the inherent dangers of this trail, it had a seriously redeeming quality- it was flat as shit. There were also nice camping spots to be had. And the trail led us to the cute town of Ohiopyle where we each got a delicious pastry to reward our 35 miles.

Bike touring is like backpacking for yuppies. You put all your stuff into bags that hang over your rear wheel (and front if you have lots of stuff or don’t like flipping your bike) and pedal away. We brought the standard basics- tent, ground pads, sleeping bags and food.

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Eric sneakily bought a Jetboil earlier in the week and we tried it out on this trip. It can make hot cocoa in 47 seconds. I approve. Eric also got the version that has a little coffee press inside, which made me think back to the time Kelsey Zwang and I made cowboy coffee using her Jetboil and my bandana that I had been wearing on my sweaty head for a few days. My how far we’ve come.

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Jetboil also allowed us to take “sodium breaks,” in which we whipped up salty delicious noodles or rice to forget how cold our toes were and how bad our butts hurt. I will do anything if you feed me fat or sodium along the way.

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The return trip was cold, and most of my toes were numb for 20ish miles. Lucky for me, you don’t really need toes to pedal a bike.

I was beyond happy to see the car when we finally saw the car. We were also surprised the questionable locals didn’t break in and steal any of our Peach Pear LaCroix.

In summary, if you are pregnant and want to ride your bike, do it. Your fetus will scream WHEEEE the whole time. Also, if you can afford the $375 for maternity cycling shorts, do it! And send them to me!

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2 thoughts on “Did you know you can ride your bike from Pittsburg to DC?

  1. Anonymous says:

    LoL …..Send this article to a cycling magazine!!!

  2. Ali B says:

    You absolutely should send this article to a cycling mag, I anticipate they will quickly send you many free pairs of maternity cycling shorts!

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