I know it’s been a long time. I usually blog on the bus and I’ve been riding my bike lately. I’m a terrible blog-mother…
We last left off at an impending divorce in the Greene family. SPOILER ALERT: No divorce. Just a separation. A week-long separation that is now thankfully over.
Ragnar was amazing, fun, painful. I was NOT in shape for it, in true Noob style.
I was runner 11, which was pretty cool because there were only 10 of us. Basically, I didn’t get to run until well into the afternoon, and by that time, I had convinced myself that I was an elite athlete. This seems like a wild conjecture taking into account that I hadn’t run since my escape from Muskrat to try to heal my troubled paw. I was also blissfully ignorant of the crazy ass hills that lurked on my legs of the course, despite having stared at the leg profiles for hours.
Ragnar is a deadly slap-bracelet relay. In a daring move, the company decided that the lethal weapon-toy of my childhood had a place in this event. Of course we could barely contain our excitement. Why do I run? Slap bracelet.
Our team was especially equipped to deal with slap bracelet. We had a slap bracelet’s worst nightmare – TWINS! (My test reading of this to Eric was less than successful. He didn’t think this was funny or even “get” it. Let’s just move on.)
By the time I actually got slapped, the bracelet had been through three iterations of twin, so it was pretty docile. Eric was the lucky slapper. He ran up to me, kissed me, and the crowd vomited. He then slapped my outstretched arm and the crowed cheered! I was on my way.
LIKE WHOA I went out way too fast. My heaving immediately ripped my diaphragm and snapped a few ribs and I was back to high school cross country side aches. My aching sides and I flew past two runners, spraying them with bloody saliva. They, of course, both immediately passed me on the first uphill, whilst laughing.
Let’s talk about hills. I’ve been actively running hills to become less of a wimp. My only victory of this weekend was my steadfastness on my hills- I didn’t walk a single bit of hill, which I really think we should refer to hereafter as mountains considering we were in Washington. I’m proud of this, especially because I was enduring some serious pain at the end of the race.
While each of us ran, the other 9 vanned their way to the next exchange to await the slap-off, take funny pictures, and admire costumes. Eric and I were always on the hunt for espresso and I was lucky to win a dollar off our collassal iced americano by guessing the correct answer to the following trivia:
What is the softest portion of skin on the human body?
The eyelid, you sickos!! (I know this because I like to schmear mine with makeup every day)
Oh yeah, there were also 6 new faces to befriend! Well… 5. Because two were identical. I’m sure they’ll appreciate these completely Twinist remarks.
Lotsa fun went down as we ran through the day, into the night, out of the darkness and into the… Cloudy glow of dawn. We finished after 30 hours and 37 minutes, 200 miles behind us.
AAANNNND I haven’t ran since. My trouble foot, ol’ Righty, has been a complete diva biotch to be around. I have a marathon coming up in October, people, and barely enough weeks to get the mileage in. According to my grand plan, I should be back up to 10 mile long runs by now. Wish me luck. Stay tuned.