Trial by Fiber

Just as I hoped, a few of you have made suggestions to help me get over my violent digestive issues.

In the same day, my wise mother suggested Metamucil and my badass friend Sean suggested psyllium husk. Metamucil sounded a little embarrassing but “the husk” sounded scary. So I opted for a nice jar of generic Metamucil.

20120425-181645.jpgThere was a special for a jar of this crap and a pack of Depends. How could I say no? If this doesn’t work, I will be running in Depends anyway.

Imagine my surprise reading that the active ingredient is… PSYLLIUM HUSK! Let’s take a moment to make fun of Sean for being too cool to admit he’s rockin’ the Metamucil! BAHHHH HAHHAHA!!!

TRUST THE HUSK! – Sean Valentine

This tactic seems a little counter-intuitive. This is for people who can’t poop, right? NOT THE PROBLEM I’M HAVING. And to that, my Mumsie explained to me, “This doesn’t stop the bus, it just let’s you DRIVE the bus.” I’m a big fan of busses. The 81 is my favorite. Throwing people UNDER the bus can be fun… I’m sure being the driver of the dook bus will be a hoot.

I’ve been with The Husk for a few days now. It’s been a nice little flirtation so far. We’ve snuck into the kitchen early each morning for some alone time and coffee. I’ve caught myself thinking about my next encounter and might even try to work in two-a-days. POOP LIKE CLOCKWORK.

This stuff is pretty tasty. If you take too long to drink your glass, though, it turns into a thick goo that is hard to get down. I like to stir some chia seeds into my Citrusy Fiber Goo in an attempt to put some “hipster” in, take a little “hip replacement” out. (If my Airborne Ranger father who just got a hip replacement reads this he’s totally going to kick my ass).

So… I like this stuff. I think it’s helping. It’s either adding this stuff to my diet or removing the nightly fried clam strip curry…

You may not be aware, but you’re already on the bus, people. Don’t you want to drive it? If so, generic Metamucil from Target is just what you need.

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