This is a Shitty Book

TRAIL RUNNING: From Novice to Master

This book is shit.

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As you might have read in an earlier post (since you’re one of three devoted readers), I suspected as much.

I have no place to be judgemental at this point in my Noobdom, but listen to some of this bullshit:

Some trails are steep and rocky, meandering through desert canyons. Others climb through lush forests, with narrow trails of soft, thick dirt covered in pine needles. Near oceans, wide and sandy beaches are great places to trail run.

Um. Thanks?

It gets better…

Found in the “Running Tights” section. (Yes, there’s a section on running tights!)

Styles are either tight fitting or slightly loose.

Another gem. I’ll hold on to that one.

Did you know that hats can protect your head and neck from low-hanging branches?

Oh, and make sure to choose eyewear that does not distort your vision!

Uses of a bandana…

You can use it for signaling, wiping sweat from your brow, or pulling up over your nose to avoid dust and odors.

This isn’t working… Still stinks! BAHHHAHAHHAH!

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Ok, ok, OKAY. To be fair, there are several pages that I found helpful! The book suggests how much water to drink before, during and after your run. I liked this section because I haven’t figured this out yet. I’m either peeing every 2 miles or blacking out and finding myself in scary places like Cleveland, OH!

The nutrition section is good, too… An intro to carbs, sodium, effects of altitude, etc. It didn’t explain why my last (and longest to date) run of 18 miles followed by a Wisconsin Buttery from Steak ‘n Shake left me with zero soreness when I normally can’t walk afterwards…

Possibly my favorite is the section on falling. I fall frequently, especially on flat, featureless paths. A technique suggested by the book is:

If you say to yourself, “stay up, stay up,” you are more likely to do so than if you repeat to yourself, “don’t fall, don’t fall.”

*sigh*

Though I didn’t learn a lot about ultra running, I’m really glad I read this book. Based upon the quality of it’s contents, I’m now convinced that I, myself, am more than qualified to write a book.

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5 thoughts on “This is a Shitty Book

  1. Cassie says:

    Wow, not planning to read this one. Love the photos though. It made a good blog 🙂

  2. Maul says:

    I just threw up my IPA from laughing so hard. Masterful commentary.

  3. […] The Noob Lab literature review committee (Cassandra the Happy Bust, Southern Gentleman Fox, and myself) is happy to report that this one is a lot better than the last one. […]

  4. I stumbled upon this after googling “this is a shitty book.” I got more than my fair share of entertainment from your post.

    • Ha ha! I love that you were Googling “this is a shitty book!” I anticipated this would become a trending topic in ’13! Thanks for reading this garbage and I hope your shitty book quest is fruitful.

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