Greenes at The Red

Tired, scratched/bruised, reeking and happy. Eric and I are driving back to The Cleve after another phenomenal rock climbing weekend with friends.

Location: Red River Gorge, Kentucky, USA, North America, Northern Hemisphere, Earth, Milky Way

The Red is awesome – and I was able to cheat my way through some gnarly shit here. I also (unfortunately but not surprisingly) wimped out on some stuff that was completely within my ability. Either way, we all climbed till we couldn’t open our beers (and Ale 81’s).

Ale-8-One has been a Kentucky favorite since G. L. Wainscott blended the first batch in 1926. The name Ale-8-One or “A Late One” was adopted to describe this latest thing in soft drinks.

It’s basically ginger beer. And it’s yum.


The highlight for me was “Kentucky Flu.” This shizz was awesome. It was my first climb of the weekend, so I was fresh and had plenty of skin to leave on the rock. Five stars?! Check it…


Our friends Ben and Ashley from Chicago were with us (as well as Yulia and Adam- HOLLLLA!), and I always climb better when they’re around. Ben’s mantra is “get your feet higher.” Seems like a no-brainer, but I always focus on my hands and what’s above my head. FEET ARE KEY. Get them high and allow your large muscles to push you up. The hands will find something. Or they won’t! It only matters if you’re vertical or overhung and most of the time, I’M SLABBIN IT! Noobs- slab is that which is not vertical or overhung. Hands are only necessary for balance on slab- unless you’re me. In that case you must put your hands all over everything, grasp onto anything that can be found, and burn out your forearms before you’ve even tied in.

Climbing is awesome. You can wear spandex or hipster wear. You can rock your cutest Prana or your best skinny jeans. When in Kentucky, you can even show off your finest tee-with-sleeves-ripped-off.


I noticed this weekend how truly enjoyable the crag is. Even if you’re dumping adrenaline on a tricky move 60 feet up, your homies are hanging out below, trading snacks, snorting Gatorade powder and laughing their asses off. There are moments of complete relaxation. This is the part I’m really good at.

Look at these crag gnomes! So cute!

Thanks for the badass weekend, Eric, Ben, Ashley, Yulia (when we become FB friends I’ll correct the spelling of your name if needed) and Adam. Adam, the newest member of the Noob Climbers Who Love Crack Club. Gonna have to intro you to Loïc…

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5 thoughts on “Greenes at The Red

  1. Was so bumz about not going 😦 next time! Sounds like a good ass time.

  2. […] We went climbing at the Red River Gorge a few weekends ago. […]

  3. Maul says:

    This is the first writing of any kind on climbing that makes the sport seem accessible to a noob…drinking ginger beer? Snorting Gatorade powder? Taking naps? I can so do this!

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